As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
