instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
