If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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