There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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