thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
