If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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