Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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