So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
