What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
