I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
