I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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