Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
