I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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