You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
