you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
