I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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