How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
