and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
