My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
