How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
