I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
