ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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