I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
