new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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