Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
