Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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