WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
