She announced her abortion via fbk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
