OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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