I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My ATM looks so different sober.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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