oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
