Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
