I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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