Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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