That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
