dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
