So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Welp...herpes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
