Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
