your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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