Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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