Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
