I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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