Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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