I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
