He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
