I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
