these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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