matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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