The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is the high leading the old right now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
