Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
