she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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