Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
