remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
