Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
