I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
