you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
