Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
